May, put your arms around me, what you feel is what you are, and what you are is beautiful. Oh, May, do you wanna get married, or run away? <3

Love is a game a game for two. Love is a game I wanna play with you

We all need love. Some desire it. Some lust for it. Some, like me, just want it to be real.

Days into Months.

So... It's been days, weeks, months since I last wrote. (: Let's start off with the snip-its of details as shown belowww. (hmm... my last post was in May...)

JUNE.
- Choreographer's Ball/Dance Concert. I was in two performances, both in Act 3 of 3. --> Crazy (thrashy contemporary) and Do Work (hip hop). Do Work was first, once off stage I had to run and strip my skirt, shoes, and arm tights. I had only two minutes to get that off and get covered in body paints (hand prints, lines/"scratches") and let that dry before going back on stage. One girl said I can undress quickly. Hahah. We already had black dance shorts under our skirts, bytheway. d: Do Work was simple. Crazy was.. Well, crazy. I've never seen my body more black and blue before. I had a mickey mouse bruise at one point. :D I had to start wearing a knee brace at one point because I messed it up doing Donkey Kicks. /: In the end, all in all, worth the pain. <33>Not much happened. Catapult/trebuchet launchings of beanie babies for Physics. :3 Score? 98 out of 100. :D OHYEAH. (: Last day of school? Reading + Eating in Period One/Teacher Aiding. (: Fifth period/Physics tutorial? Setting up our group's "How To Feed A Dog" machine-thingy. We did it. (: Played BS for the last... 2 and a half hours of school. (: They played School's Out at the right time for them to come on the intercom to say "School's out for summer. That's right, we are done with the school year finally. Welcome summer!" with School's Out still playing in the background. Sadly... It didn't feel like the last day of school, but it was.

SUMMER.
- Not much going on... Hanging out with Dean.
- Needing to pack, but haven't.
- Staying in, going out, blah.
- Sleep over at Dean's after watching him dirt bike. (:

JULY.
- A lot is going to be happening a little later this month. (:
- Fourth of July was alright. Dean took my brother over to Aunt's then we headed up to his house, raced some on his xbox, then swam with his sister, or well, I stayed in the jacuzzi. (: hehe.
- Leaving in a couple days to drive to Vegas, then drive to Idaho. 13+ hours of driving total. :o Ohboyy.
- Stayed in Vegas over night. Met my dad's brother and sister in law.
- I drove from Vegas to Idaho the next day. That was fun. 100 mph+ sometimes. (:
- Finished a summer's worth of homework in 3 days. o: That was impressive for me.
- Thunderstorms. ♥
- 26th: Photoshoot with my half brother, Graham. Then got my lip pierced. :3

AUGUST.
- bought brother a gift, mailed it, he wanted to exchanged it, he didn't...in case it hurt my feelings. :l glad to know he cares.
- hair cut, hair dye sometime during this month I think. hated the cut for a looooong time.
- came home August 15th. woke up at 5 (4 am CA time). two hour drive to airport. two hour plane ride.
- Dean picked me up. ♥
- he carried my bag to his car, as I was about to get in, he wanted to show me our baby, Fireball (he's a dinosaur) in the backseat, sitting on all of Dean's letters, and has his seatbelt on. I woke my baby up to hold in the front seat with me. I reallllly missed Fireball. ♥
- we drove around Hollywood, then headed to the OC Fair. almost crashed...again. /: THANK GOD they fixed the brakes just a week before.
- after the fair, we went to my house, we looked for my other baby (my cat, Tonks). he stole my kisses from me a couple times. ♥
- my cat was under my mom's bed, squished between the bed and the box under the bed. that dork. hahah.
- Dean, grandma, mom, brother and I went to iHop for dinner. I sat with Dean, the others sat on the other side.

Wishing...

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now..." ♥

Normally, you want to make a wish to get something you want, to make something come true. Normally, wishes don't come true. Normally, you wish for your wish to come true, any wish. Normally, you have to work to get it. Normally, your wishes are way out of your league to make come true on your own. Normally... Your wish leaves you full of disappointment.

Wishing doesn't really solve anything, or create anything. I've wished to get in a car crash for a couple years. Never once happened. I've wished for him to come back to me, it hasn't happened, but he has talked to me. (: Either way, in the end, the wish isn't coming true.

I've seen one shooting star in my whole life. I made a wish, for the guy I was with to kiss me. You know... He would have if I didn't have a boyfriend. So, sometimes, if things were one way rather than the other, your wishes may just come true. I can't entirely promise, so please, don't take my word on it.

However, some wishes will come true. Take my aunt for example... She found out she had a brain tumor last April. Luckily, her wish that everything would go well, came true. That's the plus side. On the down side, there was dead brain cell build up, and cancer cells, and other things. Doctors removed it alllll. (: Another wish that came true.

So, in the end, some wishes do come true. Some do not. If you work hard enough, yes, maybe they will. Not all will though. Just take it slow, get your hopes up, or don't. Keep hoping. Do whatever it takes to make it come true. Just, be careful for what you wish for. (;

The memories are in the past, are they not? Just make new memories, love. <3

I need you more than I thought
and now you tell me it's over...

It's Over by Hawk Nelson <3

You're All I Have by Silverstein

'nough said.

You know, I want to test this out to see how it'll work (:
sooo...
testing. one, two, three, testing ! (:

my creative side (:

- Alexandra Jade (:
- sixteen
- dancer
-have a thing for abs (:
- yellow, white, and purple
- I have my own style
- poet and creative writer (:
- future fashion designer
- photographer and very photogenic (:
- rather random and crazy
- can be a total flirt
- love to mess around
- live
- autumn girl
- April fifth, nineteen-ninety-four
- tries on dresses for fun
- Disney freak
- New York City <33
- adopting twins; boy (Nathaniel James) and girl (Kaelyn Marie)
- still want an older brother
- 2010 New Years Resolution: stay single (:
- know exactly what I want in a relationship
- dead random, home skillet (:
- sleep on left side of bed ...only
- I have this thing about me where guys fall in love with me
- want a boyfriend who I can have stuff animal wars with (:
- happens to drink my cake d:
- want need something... romantic
- stupid raisins, stay out of my cookies ! yuck :x
- hopeless romantic looking for perfect mate
- bites [middle] bottom lip quite frequently
- sensitive and shy, but very confident in the things I do (:
- wants to be my [future] guys' weakness ♥
- my baby is forever my two year old kitten, Tonks
- sometimes, my phone passes away ):
- I once had to have a rolly-polly memorial service; I said, "In honor of... What's his name again? Oh, yes, Joe. I would like to say a few words, eenie, meanie, miney, moe!"
- after the memorial service, we all walked away. hehe
- proud virgin, thank you
- mom freaks out whenever I get anything lower than an A- and anything higher than a B
- 'cause I'm creative and artistic, is that so bad? (:
- TRUE love will find a way ♥
- I never say it, but I honestly do love my mom
- makes wishes on flower petals
- One more day... One more night... Baby, I'll be wishing still for one more day with you <3
- guys tend me make me shy on first dates
- enjoys falling in like, more than falling in love
- ohbytheway, single (:
- not promising marriage
- 'cause he was stealing cinderella ; sweetheart, I love you...
- I'm a secret, shh !
- pshh. I'm not gorgeous.
- get a hat, put random ideas in there. haha
- you|give|me|puppies. puppies|puppies|in|my|heart. sad|sad|puppies|whenever|we're|apart.
- hate it when people don't have faith in me :l
- promise me, you won't break any of your promises and you'll forever love me.
- random thoughts amuse me... oh, the things I'd do (:<
- July 10, 2009 : near death experience :/
- :D sweetheart you are truly beautiful <3
- "when you break my heart... everybody knows" Liar Liar by NeverShoutNever
- afraid to pick flowers... what if it hurts them when their steam breaks?
- don't tell me you love me, prove it
- *bang* lightninggg.
- been used, lied to, sexually harassed...
- used to hate my life, depressed for about two years +
- I am now the most optimistic person ever
- some girls cannot wait to shop for maternity clothes, I on the other hand cannot wait to be proposed to
- dream wedding : end of fall, beginning of winter
- met father for the first time... November 22-29, 2009
- has to get a hair cut every few months, can't stand the same hair style for too long
- and I often draw multiple sized circles all over my left hand and fingers, sometimes they travel up my left arm (:

scrolling through blogs.

So, not too long ago, I was scrolling through blogs... I came across one that stood out.

In her "About Me" it said that she lost her husband to suicide in 2006. I feel sorry for her. (If you start scrolling through blogs and happen to see this post, I'm sorry if it offends you.) I mean... That's a big thing, losing a wife or husband to suicide - or even just murder, rape, car crashes, or just about anything. I've never really had anything like that happen to me. A few of my friends have lost family members or friends to suicide or overdosing on drugs. It's not a good feeling either... /:

One month after my mom and step father divorced, all I wanted was things to get better. My great-great uncle Carl Karcher (founder of Carl's Jr.) passed away... That same day, a really close friend of mine tried committing suicide. I had never been in that kind of situation before, and it was already hard on me as it is with what he was telling me. I tried to tell myself it wasn't as bad as he was saying it was (we had been texting) but when I got to his house, that was just horrible. There was all this blood over the bathroom floor, like he had told me. I cried more than I knew I was capable of. He meant a lot to me and I wasn't going to lose him like that. His arms were pretty messed up from cutting himself. Luckily, I was able to get all the blood to slow down and wrapped his arms with some gauze. Even though I had to go home later that night, I wouldn't let him stay up later than me. I fell asleep before he did, but I kept waking up every couple minutes from the nightmares of it all. I'd start freaking out and text him like crazy to make sure he was still alive. Eighth grade was a crazy year...

This year, 2010, has barely even begun. In January, however, I saved another person's life- my ex boyfriend's. I shouldn't have had anything to do with him after all the horrible stuff he put me through, but I was there for him in his time of need. He had threatened me with the usage of drugs with the "money he didn't waste on me." Later that night, he decided to cut himself. I got him to wash the cuts and apply pressure to them to stop the bleeding. A few days later, a school counselor found out, he was sent to rehab. He returned after about a week and a half. He still does drugs. I stopped being his friend and giving him the satisfaction of hurting me.

I haven't seen the movie yet, or read the book, but you should at least see the movie. Take someone you care about and go see "To Save A Life." One little thing can change a person's life. And some people... are just dying to be heard.

optimism vs. pessimism.

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well, this isn't too bad. I don't have my left arm anymore, but at least nobody will ever ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of "Aaaaah! My arm! My arm!" ~Lemony Snicket

Life is full of many problems, lots of things we cannot handle on our own. So we hide inside ourselves in hopes that things will get better, but we're so pessimistic that we honestly don't care if things get better or not. We just think that things will keep getting worse. However, if you look on the bright side of things and be more optimistic you might see the world differently. Bad stuff happens when you're looking at the down side of things. If you worry about something happening, it will happen. Because you worry about it that much, more and more every day, every minute, second, you're making it that much worse for yourself.

Every once in awhile, things may not go the way you planned, but that doesn't mean it's going to screw up your whole life. Life is just one big roller coaster, we might as well enjoy the ride.(: If one thing goes wrong, maybe something twice as good may come from it. There's no reason to worry, you're too young. You have you're whole life to live. So what if s/he broke up with you, it's their loss. Not yours. Big deal if your mom/dad told you no about getting what you want, save up your own money and buy it. Things happen for a reason. Make the best of it.

For A Pessimistic, I'm Pretty Optimistic
- Paramore
ܤ

time heals, time wounds

So, normally people's eyes contain life, happiness, pain, sorrow, and so on. I really looked at my eyes today as I was getting ready for school, I tried to find something left in them. Anddd... I found nothing. There is no life left in my eyes. Nothing at all. I wasn't even crying, or about to cry, but my eyes were glossy. You know, it's a miracle to how anyone has ever survived. My French teacher told me on Wednesday that her first husband would say: "Time doesn't heal all wounds, time wounds all heals." I have had that in my head since she told me that. I believe him, my French teacher's first husband is right about that. Sometimes, yeah, time heals wounds, but not always. Time wounds all heals. When you've lost it all, time gives you all that time to be alone, to constantly think about it. From time to time, being alone helps, but not other times. when you need your space, everyone is just there and they don't leave you alone. (It sucks, it breaks me down when my friends have been crowding me.) But then, your friends start to catch on that you need space (sometimes, they never catch on) and they leave you alone. The worst thing after that is when you need your friends back, and they won't be there because you pushed them away for all that time, they've given up on ever getting you back. ...I just wish things would get better.

what happens...

What happens if the one song that always made you tap your feet, cheer you up even more after acing a test, or anything finally betrays you the one day you truly need it? Music is pretty much everyone's addiction, no lie. Sway Your Head by We Shot the Moon... That has been my dance song since day one. But now? How can I dance when I can't? Listen to it; close your eyes and listen. You won't regret it. What if it's not the music that let you down? What if it was the one person who promised they would never? That same person who put the color in the world for you? Does that change things? Make you want the music more? It wasn't supposed to be this way. but as the saying goes, "Whatever happens, happens." No one can really change that. Dr. Seuss once said, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." So, smile; smile though it kills you to see them out of your life. ...he was the one guy that put my world in color, he gave my little black and white world its color. And I thank him for that. I cared too much, and I'm not sorry for that. I'm not going to regret him, he's too worth it. It's okay to cry, it doesn't say you're weak. Your tears show you that you are strong, and you'll only get stronger. He make me stronger just like past events. No matter what happens in your life, big or small, you'll get better, you'll get through it. There will always be someone there for you to turn to. That I promise.

thoughts.

every once in awhile, things get too complicated. you don't really see it coming until it hits dead on. if one thing's true, you'll get through it. whether things turn out bad - or good - you will only get stronger, and it'll help with future problems. there will be come things that get worse, instead of easy, but don't worry too much about it. it's only life, and no one gets out alive anyway. <- that is - no, should be the only reason for everyone to be optimistic, because everyone you hate will, eventually, die.