scrolling through blogs.

So, not too long ago, I was scrolling through blogs... I came across one that stood out.

In her "About Me" it said that she lost her husband to suicide in 2006. I feel sorry for her. (If you start scrolling through blogs and happen to see this post, I'm sorry if it offends you.) I mean... That's a big thing, losing a wife or husband to suicide - or even just murder, rape, car crashes, or just about anything. I've never really had anything like that happen to me. A few of my friends have lost family members or friends to suicide or overdosing on drugs. It's not a good feeling either... /:

One month after my mom and step father divorced, all I wanted was things to get better. My great-great uncle Carl Karcher (founder of Carl's Jr.) passed away... That same day, a really close friend of mine tried committing suicide. I had never been in that kind of situation before, and it was already hard on me as it is with what he was telling me. I tried to tell myself it wasn't as bad as he was saying it was (we had been texting) but when I got to his house, that was just horrible. There was all this blood over the bathroom floor, like he had told me. I cried more than I knew I was capable of. He meant a lot to me and I wasn't going to lose him like that. His arms were pretty messed up from cutting himself. Luckily, I was able to get all the blood to slow down and wrapped his arms with some gauze. Even though I had to go home later that night, I wouldn't let him stay up later than me. I fell asleep before he did, but I kept waking up every couple minutes from the nightmares of it all. I'd start freaking out and text him like crazy to make sure he was still alive. Eighth grade was a crazy year...

This year, 2010, has barely even begun. In January, however, I saved another person's life- my ex boyfriend's. I shouldn't have had anything to do with him after all the horrible stuff he put me through, but I was there for him in his time of need. He had threatened me with the usage of drugs with the "money he didn't waste on me." Later that night, he decided to cut himself. I got him to wash the cuts and apply pressure to them to stop the bleeding. A few days later, a school counselor found out, he was sent to rehab. He returned after about a week and a half. He still does drugs. I stopped being his friend and giving him the satisfaction of hurting me.

I haven't seen the movie yet, or read the book, but you should at least see the movie. Take someone you care about and go see "To Save A Life." One little thing can change a person's life. And some people... are just dying to be heard.

optimism vs. pessimism.

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well, this isn't too bad. I don't have my left arm anymore, but at least nobody will ever ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of "Aaaaah! My arm! My arm!" ~Lemony Snicket

Life is full of many problems, lots of things we cannot handle on our own. So we hide inside ourselves in hopes that things will get better, but we're so pessimistic that we honestly don't care if things get better or not. We just think that things will keep getting worse. However, if you look on the bright side of things and be more optimistic you might see the world differently. Bad stuff happens when you're looking at the down side of things. If you worry about something happening, it will happen. Because you worry about it that much, more and more every day, every minute, second, you're making it that much worse for yourself.

Every once in awhile, things may not go the way you planned, but that doesn't mean it's going to screw up your whole life. Life is just one big roller coaster, we might as well enjoy the ride.(: If one thing goes wrong, maybe something twice as good may come from it. There's no reason to worry, you're too young. You have you're whole life to live. So what if s/he broke up with you, it's their loss. Not yours. Big deal if your mom/dad told you no about getting what you want, save up your own money and buy it. Things happen for a reason. Make the best of it.

For A Pessimistic, I'm Pretty Optimistic
- Paramore
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time heals, time wounds

So, normally people's eyes contain life, happiness, pain, sorrow, and so on. I really looked at my eyes today as I was getting ready for school, I tried to find something left in them. Anddd... I found nothing. There is no life left in my eyes. Nothing at all. I wasn't even crying, or about to cry, but my eyes were glossy. You know, it's a miracle to how anyone has ever survived. My French teacher told me on Wednesday that her first husband would say: "Time doesn't heal all wounds, time wounds all heals." I have had that in my head since she told me that. I believe him, my French teacher's first husband is right about that. Sometimes, yeah, time heals wounds, but not always. Time wounds all heals. When you've lost it all, time gives you all that time to be alone, to constantly think about it. From time to time, being alone helps, but not other times. when you need your space, everyone is just there and they don't leave you alone. (It sucks, it breaks me down when my friends have been crowding me.) But then, your friends start to catch on that you need space (sometimes, they never catch on) and they leave you alone. The worst thing after that is when you need your friends back, and they won't be there because you pushed them away for all that time, they've given up on ever getting you back. ...I just wish things would get better.

what happens...

What happens if the one song that always made you tap your feet, cheer you up even more after acing a test, or anything finally betrays you the one day you truly need it? Music is pretty much everyone's addiction, no lie. Sway Your Head by We Shot the Moon... That has been my dance song since day one. But now? How can I dance when I can't? Listen to it; close your eyes and listen. You won't regret it. What if it's not the music that let you down? What if it was the one person who promised they would never? That same person who put the color in the world for you? Does that change things? Make you want the music more? It wasn't supposed to be this way. but as the saying goes, "Whatever happens, happens." No one can really change that. Dr. Seuss once said, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." So, smile; smile though it kills you to see them out of your life. ...he was the one guy that put my world in color, he gave my little black and white world its color. And I thank him for that. I cared too much, and I'm not sorry for that. I'm not going to regret him, he's too worth it. It's okay to cry, it doesn't say you're weak. Your tears show you that you are strong, and you'll only get stronger. He make me stronger just like past events. No matter what happens in your life, big or small, you'll get better, you'll get through it. There will always be someone there for you to turn to. That I promise.

thoughts.

every once in awhile, things get too complicated. you don't really see it coming until it hits dead on. if one thing's true, you'll get through it. whether things turn out bad - or good - you will only get stronger, and it'll help with future problems. there will be come things that get worse, instead of easy, but don't worry too much about it. it's only life, and no one gets out alive anyway. <- that is - no, should be the only reason for everyone to be optimistic, because everyone you hate will, eventually, die.