I need you more than I thought
and now you tell me it's over...

It's Over by Hawk Nelson <3

You're All I Have by Silverstein

'nough said.

You know, I want to test this out to see how it'll work (:
sooo...
testing. one, two, three, testing ! (:

my creative side (:

- Alexandra Jade (:
- sixteen
- dancer
-have a thing for abs (:
- yellow, white, and purple
- I have my own style
- poet and creative writer (:
- future fashion designer
- photographer and very photogenic (:
- rather random and crazy
- can be a total flirt
- love to mess around
- live
- autumn girl
- April fifth, nineteen-ninety-four
- tries on dresses for fun
- Disney freak
- New York City <33
- adopting twins; boy (Nathaniel James) and girl (Kaelyn Marie)
- still want an older brother
- 2010 New Years Resolution: stay single (:
- know exactly what I want in a relationship
- dead random, home skillet (:
- sleep on left side of bed ...only
- I have this thing about me where guys fall in love with me
- want a boyfriend who I can have stuff animal wars with (:
- happens to drink my cake d:
- want need something... romantic
- stupid raisins, stay out of my cookies ! yuck :x
- hopeless romantic looking for perfect mate
- bites [middle] bottom lip quite frequently
- sensitive and shy, but very confident in the things I do (:
- wants to be my [future] guys' weakness ♥
- my baby is forever my two year old kitten, Tonks
- sometimes, my phone passes away ):
- I once had to have a rolly-polly memorial service; I said, "In honor of... What's his name again? Oh, yes, Joe. I would like to say a few words, eenie, meanie, miney, moe!"
- after the memorial service, we all walked away. hehe
- proud virgin, thank you
- mom freaks out whenever I get anything lower than an A- and anything higher than a B
- 'cause I'm creative and artistic, is that so bad? (:
- TRUE love will find a way ♥
- I never say it, but I honestly do love my mom
- makes wishes on flower petals
- One more day... One more night... Baby, I'll be wishing still for one more day with you <3
- guys tend me make me shy on first dates
- enjoys falling in like, more than falling in love
- ohbytheway, single (:
- not promising marriage
- 'cause he was stealing cinderella ; sweetheart, I love you...
- I'm a secret, shh !
- pshh. I'm not gorgeous.
- get a hat, put random ideas in there. haha
- you|give|me|puppies. puppies|puppies|in|my|heart. sad|sad|puppies|whenever|we're|apart.
- hate it when people don't have faith in me :l
- promise me, you won't break any of your promises and you'll forever love me.
- random thoughts amuse me... oh, the things I'd do (:<
- July 10, 2009 : near death experience :/
- :D sweetheart you are truly beautiful <3
- "when you break my heart... everybody knows" Liar Liar by NeverShoutNever
- afraid to pick flowers... what if it hurts them when their steam breaks?
- don't tell me you love me, prove it
- *bang* lightninggg.
- been used, lied to, sexually harassed...
- used to hate my life, depressed for about two years +
- I am now the most optimistic person ever
- some girls cannot wait to shop for maternity clothes, I on the other hand cannot wait to be proposed to
- dream wedding : end of fall, beginning of winter
- met father for the first time... November 22-29, 2009
- has to get a hair cut every few months, can't stand the same hair style for too long
- and I often draw multiple sized circles all over my left hand and fingers, sometimes they travel up my left arm (:

scrolling through blogs.

So, not too long ago, I was scrolling through blogs... I came across one that stood out.

In her "About Me" it said that she lost her husband to suicide in 2006. I feel sorry for her. (If you start scrolling through blogs and happen to see this post, I'm sorry if it offends you.) I mean... That's a big thing, losing a wife or husband to suicide - or even just murder, rape, car crashes, or just about anything. I've never really had anything like that happen to me. A few of my friends have lost family members or friends to suicide or overdosing on drugs. It's not a good feeling either... /:

One month after my mom and step father divorced, all I wanted was things to get better. My great-great uncle Carl Karcher (founder of Carl's Jr.) passed away... That same day, a really close friend of mine tried committing suicide. I had never been in that kind of situation before, and it was already hard on me as it is with what he was telling me. I tried to tell myself it wasn't as bad as he was saying it was (we had been texting) but when I got to his house, that was just horrible. There was all this blood over the bathroom floor, like he had told me. I cried more than I knew I was capable of. He meant a lot to me and I wasn't going to lose him like that. His arms were pretty messed up from cutting himself. Luckily, I was able to get all the blood to slow down and wrapped his arms with some gauze. Even though I had to go home later that night, I wouldn't let him stay up later than me. I fell asleep before he did, but I kept waking up every couple minutes from the nightmares of it all. I'd start freaking out and text him like crazy to make sure he was still alive. Eighth grade was a crazy year...

This year, 2010, has barely even begun. In January, however, I saved another person's life- my ex boyfriend's. I shouldn't have had anything to do with him after all the horrible stuff he put me through, but I was there for him in his time of need. He had threatened me with the usage of drugs with the "money he didn't waste on me." Later that night, he decided to cut himself. I got him to wash the cuts and apply pressure to them to stop the bleeding. A few days later, a school counselor found out, he was sent to rehab. He returned after about a week and a half. He still does drugs. I stopped being his friend and giving him the satisfaction of hurting me.

I haven't seen the movie yet, or read the book, but you should at least see the movie. Take someone you care about and go see "To Save A Life." One little thing can change a person's life. And some people... are just dying to be heard.

optimism vs. pessimism.

If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well, this isn't too bad. I don't have my left arm anymore, but at least nobody will ever ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of "Aaaaah! My arm! My arm!" ~Lemony Snicket

Life is full of many problems, lots of things we cannot handle on our own. So we hide inside ourselves in hopes that things will get better, but we're so pessimistic that we honestly don't care if things get better or not. We just think that things will keep getting worse. However, if you look on the bright side of things and be more optimistic you might see the world differently. Bad stuff happens when you're looking at the down side of things. If you worry about something happening, it will happen. Because you worry about it that much, more and more every day, every minute, second, you're making it that much worse for yourself.

Every once in awhile, things may not go the way you planned, but that doesn't mean it's going to screw up your whole life. Life is just one big roller coaster, we might as well enjoy the ride.(: If one thing goes wrong, maybe something twice as good may come from it. There's no reason to worry, you're too young. You have you're whole life to live. So what if s/he broke up with you, it's their loss. Not yours. Big deal if your mom/dad told you no about getting what you want, save up your own money and buy it. Things happen for a reason. Make the best of it.

For A Pessimistic, I'm Pretty Optimistic
- Paramore
ܤ

time heals, time wounds

So, normally people's eyes contain life, happiness, pain, sorrow, and so on. I really looked at my eyes today as I was getting ready for school, I tried to find something left in them. Anddd... I found nothing. There is no life left in my eyes. Nothing at all. I wasn't even crying, or about to cry, but my eyes were glossy. You know, it's a miracle to how anyone has ever survived. My French teacher told me on Wednesday that her first husband would say: "Time doesn't heal all wounds, time wounds all heals." I have had that in my head since she told me that. I believe him, my French teacher's first husband is right about that. Sometimes, yeah, time heals wounds, but not always. Time wounds all heals. When you've lost it all, time gives you all that time to be alone, to constantly think about it. From time to time, being alone helps, but not other times. when you need your space, everyone is just there and they don't leave you alone. (It sucks, it breaks me down when my friends have been crowding me.) But then, your friends start to catch on that you need space (sometimes, they never catch on) and they leave you alone. The worst thing after that is when you need your friends back, and they won't be there because you pushed them away for all that time, they've given up on ever getting you back. ...I just wish things would get better.